I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
