you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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