the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
