woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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