i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize