You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
