dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i out mim tonsoeep
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
