that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Green mimosas i think yes
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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