I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
