You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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