the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize