I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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