the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
