Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
