imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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