what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am one with the molecules
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
