I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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