we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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