Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
