You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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