now i know why i became what i already was.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
