Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
