this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
