We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
