Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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