Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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