All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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