I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
