You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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