i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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