ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
