The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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