You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize