so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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