she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
