Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
