My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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