hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
where am i from again
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
