At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
