Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
