are you still at the devil's house?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
this is an emotional support booty call
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
