after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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