i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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