i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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