Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
