THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I AM VODKA MAN
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
