nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
