nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
