I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
