How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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