The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
