just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
