glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
