we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
