so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
