Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
