Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
