this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize