Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
