I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
