Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
