im so drunk with asians
where?
always
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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