forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
