He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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