hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
