I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
