So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
