it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
