you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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