i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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