they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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