Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
