I accidentally burped into my bong.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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