Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She said her name was "party"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
