Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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