I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
