Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
