how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
