Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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