i was rollin on her like bob the builder
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
