This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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