why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
