you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
