I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
