cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
