Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
