we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
