now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
