You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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