Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
