this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
