It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
