Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
