I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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