And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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