there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
