So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
