i just google imaged poop.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
