If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize