Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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