just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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