Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
