Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have tasted many bathrooms
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
