You made me cry and you don't even care
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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