I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
