That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize