i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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