just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
